i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
