Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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