So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish i was in the wii world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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