Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
