toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
