Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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