I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I party with great urgency now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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