your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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