everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize