i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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