he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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