You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
