Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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