there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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