Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
