Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
