Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
