My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
