return my video game
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
