So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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