I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
