just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
