I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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