I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
