after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
soo... how was my night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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