Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
