dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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