Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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