I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
