if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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