quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
