you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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