I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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