your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
