Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
