Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
