your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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