I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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