When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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