About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
