That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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