i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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