i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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