i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
