Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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