just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
