Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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