Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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