Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
