You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
