Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
