chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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