Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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