i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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