She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
