So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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