this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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