U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
