What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
