Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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