i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
