i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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