We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
