The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
