"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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