I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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