is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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