Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
