Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize