Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
