we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
