First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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