She is in my trunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
