Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
