I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
