Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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