So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
