UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
