so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
