I'm drive I can fine osifer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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