I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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