I'm passing your future prison.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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