what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
