Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
