I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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