Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
