ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
