how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
