My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
