I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize