we have officially lost it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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