the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
