I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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