His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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