how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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