I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
