Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
