I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize