She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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