These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
