I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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