His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
PANTIES FOUND
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
